Updated: Apr 3
Nobody goes into motherhood wanting to become a single mother. It doesn’t matter what age you are when you have a child, it doesn’t matter how secure you are financially, it doesn’t matter if you wait until marriage; everything happens the way it’s supposed to happen. Once heartbreak hits you start to go through the motions to heal and before you know it you realize one thing... it’s step-daddy season. I’m just kidding but not really - you are fair game mama! There’s so many things going through your head. Am I really ready to get back out there? Is anyone really going to want me and my extra baggage? Am I still sexy enough to date again? Stop doubting your self and remember these 4 tips to know when you’re ready to start dating again.
1. Realizing Mama’s Got Her Groove Back
In order to successfully move forward you have to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve your past relationship. It’s a sad situation and even more sad because life was created from it. Some of us grieve within the relationship before we officially end it and some of us grieve afterwards. Don’t rush it because you’ll never successfully commit again if you try to. After you grieve, you’ll start to make yourself a priority again. So very often we as women pour so much of ourselves into caring for our families that we forget about ourselves. We cannot pour from an empty cup. Focusing on what makes you happy will allow you to strengthen your relationship with yourself. Once you start to realize who the hell you are, this newfound confidence will radiate right off of you. Tell me one man who doesn’t want a confident woman...I’ll wait.
2. Being Able To Move Past Your Fears
I never in a million years thought I would be a baby mama y’all. Me? What?! The reality is that I am. I constantly asked myself what childless man in their 20’s is going to want to date a woman with baby daddy issues and a toddler? What if I found someone great and we decided to become intimate? I have stretch marks EVERYWHERE and a c-section scar I honestly expected no one but the father of my child to ever see. Quite frankly, in the dating world there will be some resistance. People know what they’re willing to deal with and what they’re not and you can’t fault anyone for not wanting to deal with your baggage. You have to make that fear a distant voice in your head. As for your own body shaming, you have to remember that our bodies create life and your body created the life of someone you love unconditionally. If a man can’t respect that then you dodged a bullet. If you can’t accept my body how can you accept the human that came from it?
3. Understanding What You Want From A Man
Ask yourself what went wrong in your last relationship. Every relationship I’ve been in since the age of 18 has taught me something about myself and about the kind of man I’d like to spend the rest of my life with. Once you allow yourself to take your past relationships as a learning experience it’s really a great thing. My last two relationships taught me how I deserve to be treated and what kind of man I want to build a life with. Start reflecting on some of the behaviors you so easily accepted and find out why you did. You can’t expect to not make the same mistakes if you didn’t learn from the prior ones. A man you’ve known for a short amount of time can do more for your life than one that you’ve spent years with. You won’t meet him if you go down the exact same path that led you to heartbreak.
4. Being Ready To Welcome Love Again
You have to genuinely be ready to open your heart to love again. If you’re not ready to commit again then you’re not ready and that’s okay. Love is scary and to give someone that much of your heart is nerve wrecking. Guess what though? Love is also beautiful and intense. You will love again because you are lovable. In order to find love again, you have to be ready to engage in opportunities that allow you to meet other people. Remove your barriers, step out of your comfort zone, and be ready to love differently than you have in the past.
Someone accepted my baggage and I allowed them to. Do you know why I was able to do that? It’s because I found my groove again. I moved past all of the fears that were holding me back, I got to know myself and the things I wanted for myself, and I opened my heart to love again. Ladies this is just the beginning. Now that you’re ready to dip back into the dating scene you’re about to open a whole new can of worms. Have no fear though, your girl is here to drop more gems. Join me for April’s three blog series of Motherhood and Dating. Now you know when you’re ready to start dating again but how will you know what kind of things to look for when you choose to date a man without a child? Visit me in two weeks for the deets!