Updated: Feb 9
The smiles, the hugs, the giggles, the love, etc. could make someone from the outside looking in think being a mom is smooth sailing for the most part. Bless their naive little heart. No one openly talks about the hardships and how they affect us. No one talks about the lack of independence, the constant self doubt and uncertainty, or the toll it takes on your relationships. Luckily, y’all have me to shed some light. Let’s get personal!
It’s no longer just about you and you have to learn to genuinely be okay with that. As soon as Noah was born, my priorties became apparent. This tiny human needs my time and devotion no matter what. The no matter what part is what's hard. I’m tired all the time. All. The. Time. After awhile you just learn to master how to get things done while working off an inadequate amount of sleep. Your child doesn’t care that you’re tired when they’re hungry and want to eat right now. Your child doesn’t care that you’re tired when they’re ready to play. It’s hard but you suck it up because you have to. You suck it up because knowing your child is happy is worth being tired for. As mom, you don’t get be tired and you definitely don’t get to be sick. It’s the job we signed up for and it’s okay to admit that it’s hard.
It’s incredibly difficult not to miss the days of where I had complete autonomy. If I was having a bad day I could completely shut the world out. Now I have a little human. I don’t get to have bad days and be by myself. When everything is becoming too much, I don’t get to runaway anymore. My runaway moments now are when I go in the bathroom to get away. In that moment, I’m no one’s mom and I’m no one’s significant other and it feels good to have a 5 minute mental break. I’m still learning how to balance being a mom with simply being a person. There are so many sacrifices you make when becoming a mom. Motherhood is all about sacrifices and you have to be willing to make those sacrifices for the good of your child.
The uncertainty is hard. What the hell am I actually doing? How did I know that was going to make Noah stop crying? I have my mother, aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc. that are mothers and can give me some tips and tricks but every child is not the same. Noah has good days and he has bad days. There are times where he just cries. I fed him, I changed him, he already had a nap and I don’t know what the problem is and that is hard. I’ve learned he likes when I brush his cheek or when I run my fingers through his hair because it relaxes him. You do everything you can to learn your child and it’s not easy. Self doubt comes with the territory. Learning to trust your mommy instincts is key. Sometimes I still don’t know what I’m doing but you know what I can tell you? I figure it out. You work and you struggle at whatever is thrown your way.
Your friendships and your relationship with your significant other will honestly never be the same. You and your mate have to remember that it’s not just about the two of you anymore, it’s about the little human you created. The way you deal with those changes plays a huge role. We all know relationships are hard on their own. Two complete strangers coming together to form a union as one. Two different sets of opinions, two different approaches to situations, two different sets of beliefs, etc. Now throw a kid into the mix and see how much more complicated it gets. Matthew is my best friend, the love of my life, and the best father I could have ever chosen for our child. I mean I also want to square up on occasion. It’s the best of both worlds. Now that we have Noah being a team is a must but that’s not the hard part. It’s hard learning to balance our relationship while still being parents. We still need to focus on us. We still need to remember who we are as a couple without our little nugget. Remembering why we fell in love in the first place can never get lost and the pressure of that alone is hard for me to deal with.
It’s not just your relationship with your significant other that changes. It’s also your friendships that change. I love my friends so much but I don’t get to see them as much anymore. I can’t go to things that aren’t planned in advance. My weekends look a little different than my single, child-free friends. Some of those friends don’t understand that my life is different now. I can’t go on extravagant trips out of the country right now. It’s hard feeling like you’re missing out. It’s hard not being able to do the things that I would normally have partaken in had my circumstances been different. One day Matthew told me, “we took a different kind of trip in life” and he was absolutely right. Don’t tell him that, I’ll never hear the end of it. God has me doing everything that I need to be doing right now and I have to remember that. There’s so many more things that are hard during motherhood. I just wanted to share the things I struggle with personally.